The
following résumé blunders and typos are
real errors
made by
real-life
applicants. Now these people really need some help ...
Accomplishments
and Achievements
- "Graduated in the
top 70
percent of
my class."
- "Raised over $6,000
for
an organization
by sitting on a commode."
- "The Marines is and
probably will be
the biggest accomplishment I've ever had, even though I wasn't able to
join."
- "National record for
eating 45 eggs
in two minutes."
Cover
Letters
- "Dear
Sir/Modem."
- "I am extremely
detailoriented."
- "I would be prepared
to
meet with you
at your earliest convenience to discuss what I can do to your
company."
- "I'm looking for a
challenging, fun,
fulfilling job and a paycheck. (If the pay is good, I'll get the fun
and
fulfillment outside of work.)"
- "I'm submitting the
attached copy of
my resume for your consumption."
- "My qulifications
include close attention
to detail."
- "My top motivator is
MONEY. If asked
to choose between a professional desk job and one sanitizing a
barnhouse
that pays more, I'm headed for the farm."
- "Please disregard
the
attached resume
- it is terribly out of date."
- "Seek challenges
that
test my mind and
body, since the two are usually inseparable."
- "To Home-Ever it
concerns."
- "Very experienced
with
out-house computers."
Education
- "1994 - Moron
University."
- "Bachelor of
engineering. Passed out
in top 2 percent."
- "College, September
1880
- June 1984."
- "I have a
bachelorette
degree in computers."
- "My GPA at night is
3.0."
Experience
- "Worked in a
consulting
office where
I carried out my own accountant."
- "Any interruption in
employment is due
to being unemployed."
- "I have lurned Word
Perfect 6.0, computor
and accounting progroms."
- "I was involved in
every
aspect of the
business, including office administration, customer service and cadaver
preparation."
- "Responsibilities
included recruiting,
screening, interviewing and executing final candidates."
- "Twin brother has
accounting degree."
- "Worked successfully
on
a team of one."
Objective
- "Obtain a position
which
allows me to
make use of my commuter skills."
- "I am looking for a
stationery position."
- "My dream job would
be
as a professional
baseball player, but since I can't do that, I'll settle on being an
accountant."
- "To broaden my
computer
skills and decrease
my use of antacids."
- Position desired:
"Profreader."
Personal
- "I can describe
myself
in three words:
committed, hard working, and very strategic thinking."
- "Rabid sports
fan."
- "Weight: 165 lbs.
Plus
heavy accounting
skills."
Skills
- "Grate communication
skills."
- "Written
communication =
3 years; verbal
communication = 5 years."
- "I am very used to
working with thigh
schedules."
- "I am meticulate
about
derails."
Miscellaneous
- Current "$36,000.
Salary
desired: $250,000."
- Reason for leaving
last
job: "Bounty
hunting was outlawed in my state."
- Reason for leaving:
"Maturity leave."
- Job duties: "Made
coffee
(early Java
experience)."
- References: "I have
over
30,000 national
references available upon request."
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